Idiocy Is Contagious
by Blue Persuasion
Summary: [Chappie 3]Radiata is in need of a hero...or maybe not. Pure mayhem is a sure thing. Postgame. [Of archenemies and strawberries.]
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Radiata Stories. I wish I did…or at least I wish I owned Jack XD

Okay people…I see a lack of stories here in the RS section and decided to try one of my own. Please let me warn you that my humor is very weird and stupid. This isn't one of my better comedies, but I just wanted to try a RS fic of my own. Please don't flame me if this is just no good…you see there's this nifty option to delete stories, so if this flops I can erase it away and not disgrace a most uber-great game.

On a side note, if any of my Star Ocean buddies wonder over here I swear I'm going to finish my fics…but I just love Radiata Stories and when the section opened up I just couldn't help it.

And, final note, I'm not trying to keep anyone IC. I love humor fics with a touch of OOC, so that's what this is.

**Idiocy Is Contagious**

"Awww…come on Ridley. Please, please, please."

"No Jack. For the twentieth time, NO!"

Ridley crossed her arms and gave Jack a stare that would stop a goblin dead in its tracks.

Jack hung his head and swung it from side to side. He started to walk away, but a sudden and brilliant idea popped into his head. "I know! I bet Lily or Rachael will do it!"

"Really Jack. Do you want everyone to think you a complete moron? You already defeated the threat to humanity…do you really feel like this is necessary?"

Jack smiled a little too widely. "Absolutely! There are still innocents to protect. Where there is crime there is injustice and where there is injustice there is a need for a hero."

Ridley put her forehead in her hand. "You are already a hero. That should be enough. What you're doing here is nothing more then ridiculous."

"Humph, see if I even think about rescuing you now," Jack pouted.

"Fine, fine…I'm sure there's someone around here that will go along with this. Count me out. There's no way I'm putting an outfit like that on."

Jack snatched up the outfit in question. He hugged it to his chest as he walked to the door. "Fine, be that way. I'm going home…it's almost night time. That's when all the bad guys come out you know."

Ridley watched the door close and sighed. "He really doesn't get it does he? I guess I better follow him and make sure he doesn't get into too much trouble."

—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—

**Mayhem on the Streets And…Gender confusion O.o**

The night was young. The Super Powered Masked Avenger moved through the city…well more like over the city. He was jumping from roof top to roof top in search of danger. He would be the protector of the city and the one they call on for help…or at least they will once they knew about him. All he needed to do was find one bad guy to thwart. One bad deed to undo.

He stopped in the Blue Town of Water and Wisdom and tried frantically to adjust his cape. Unfortunatly, he had made it too big. He could fight with swords and axes and spears, but being a seamstress just wasn't his forte.

After adjusting his mask, he spotted his first target. Yes, there at the OK Hand Accessories shop. Only a criminal would be caught looking into the window of a closed store. And he was dressed in dark clothing…that was a sure sign of his guilt.

The Super Powered Masked Avenger moved silently as he crept up and prepared himself for a dramatic entrance. Jumping from the shop's roof, he landed mere inches from his target.

"Holy handcuffs and frosted glass!" The ninja jumped back in surprise, managing only to hit the wall.

"Don't think you can escape from The Super Powered Masked Avenger! I've caught you red handed you fiend!"

"Wha…Hey, I know you don't I?" The ninja took a good look at the strange boy in front of him. He was wearing a tight dark blue outfit, bright red gloves, boots, cape and mask. His brown hair is pushed back and his brown eyes peer suspiciously from the over sized holes in the mask.

"Know me?" The Avenger replied in a fake deep tone. "All those who break the law know and fear me!"

"No, no…that's not it. Weren't you the one who helped me with the rats? Yeah, I know that's you. You're Jack right?"

The Avenger took the ninja by the collar of his shirt and started shaking him. "The Super Powered Masked Avenger knows no one by that name. I'm…"

His words were cut short when someone walked by. Her flowing silver hair captivated the two and neither could do more than watch. When she was just about to pass by, she stopped and turned to them.

"STOP IT, STOP IT! I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown here. I…AM…A…MAN! Stop the gawking."

"Whoa, she is a man," the ninja whispered. "Maybe she…he needs a girlfriend."

The Avenger let go of the ninja and watched the 'way to pretty to be a man' man continue his walk down the street. He looked like a girl but sure didn't walk like a girl.

"Maybe he needs a boyfriend…ahhh, no no no. A hair cut! That's it, he needs a hair cut." Eon started running in circles for no apparent reason.

Felix stopped dead in his tracks. His eyes started to glow red. "Touch the hair and die."

"Oh, I'm going back to talk to the rats. At least I can tell them apart. People are just too confusing. First that Vitas dude…err chick and now this. I need my blankie."

"That's it!" The Avenger rubbed his hands together. "A challenge. I must find Felix a girlfriend. Then the whole city will see just a small fraction of my true power. Mwhahahahaha."

"Um, dude. The whole Mwhahaha thing is for the villain, not the hero…if that's what you are supposed to be." The ninja slowly inched himself way from the 'would be' super hero. "And rubbing your hands together like that is very incriminating. Maybe you should…"

"No time to talk now citizen. I have work to do."

With that, the Avenger jetted away from the very confused ninja. "Looks like we need a super hero to save us from our new super hero."

"I'm on it," said a female voice from behind Eon. Before Eon could blink, a shadow swept past him with grace.

"Now there's a hero."

"Did someone say a hero?" Charlie asked.

"W-where'd you come from?"

"Oh fooy and never you mind. I have me a hero to catch!" With that Charlie skipped gayfully away. (no pun inteneded)

—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—

"No, you got it all wrong. To talk to the dead…now that's the greatest gift of all."

"I'm sorry, but I would rather lure men in with my witchy charm and then scam money from them to fund my research."

"MELISSA! You shall rise again!" Ursula ran between the two, waving her arms frantically.

"OH PLEASE WAIT," Miranda begged, chasing after the deranged golem girl. "JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU DID TO MASTER GODWIN!"

Morgan turned to Claudia. "Now what was that about?"

Genius popped his head around the corner. "It's called Acute Masterious Disappearous Anxiety. When mixed with Golem Makous Stupindus Disorder; the results are what was just witnessed." Genius disappears. Where he went, I don't know and personally I'd think it best not too.

Claudia shrugged her shoulders. "Not everyday you see a monk chasing Ursula. You think one of them will die?" There was an eager gleam in her eyes.

"DIE? Not while the The Super Powered Masked Avenger is around!"

"Hey I know you…you're that little dweeb that I scam…err I mean that nice boy that helps fund my research."

"You know me not, fair citizen. Now I have a damsel to rescue."

"LEAVE ME OUT OF IT!" cried Felix.

"Hey, if you need someone dead then I'll do it. Only 40,000 dagol, that's all I ask."

"Iris, not in public!" screamed Lily.

"Oh, the public just loves me," squealed Rachael. "I must dance and sing."

"Yo! You vant me to play for you?"

"AHHHH," Marietta came out of no where and crashed right into Ernest.

"Help! I'm, veing attacked!"

"Never fear! The Super Powered Masked Avenger is here!"

"Ack! My ankle!"

"My Cape. You fiend, you will never get away with this." The Super Powered Masked Avenger quickly pulled Marietta off of Ernest. "Now, you will pay for the dry cleaner's bill you dastardly foe!"

"The power of Vitas compels you. Now let go of the girl you capped weirdo."

"No man is better then I, Alvin the Great. I shall save you! Hold on, Marietta, I'm coming to your aid."

"I'M A GIRL!" screamed Vitas.

"AND I'M A MAN!" screamed Felix.

"SAMURAI!" screamed Caesar from the top of the Vareth Magic Institue.

"If you ask me, I can take you all on!" replied Nina.

Alba, who just happened to be walking by, examined the scene. "Huh? Just how many super heroes are there?"

Jarvis threw his arm around Alba's shoulders. "Iw dunno, but this is wne hellasih party!"

"T-to many for m-m-me," stuttered Rolec.

"Grow a back bone," The Super Powered Masked Avenger said as he kicked the timid man.

Rolec bowed. "Thank you sir, can I have another?"

"I'm cutting you off!"

Rolec fell to his knees and clutched his head. "Nooooooooooo!" he screamed in a dramatic B rated movie way.

"Let's see…I count…one, two…ah there's too many would be super heroes here to count!"

"OH, I've died and gone to heaven!" squealed Charlie.

"Then who is the better?"

"I don't know. How about they fight it out. Last man, or woman standing is our new super hero!"

"Now I'd pay to see that," Conrad called out.

"It's settled then…Radiata will host its first annual Hero of the City Competition."

"That's just stupid," Elena said dryly from the corner.

—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo——oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—

Um, good, bad? Just let me know what you think...like I said, if it's no good then I can erase it and try something else.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Radiata Stories or Star Ocean.

There will be a reference to the game Star Ocean: Till the End of Time in this chapter. Why? Because I love that game! Besides, Radiata Stories was made by the same people and the games have a lot in common. For any that know Star Ocean, let me tell you that there's an easter egg in Radiata Stories where Jack can get Fayt's costume. That's all I'll say for now before I say too much.

There are spoilers here for anyone who hasn't played the Fairy Path.

And thanks bunches for the reviews!

**Idiocy Is Contagious**

**Chapter Two**

**Tournament Time…Miranda versus a dog? (huh? What the…)**

Radiata Castle was packed full with only standing room left. Everyone who was anyone from the some ones to the no ones were gathered somewhere and everywhere to watch the fight.

Star paced the waiting room floor. "Oh great, wonderful me!"

"Oh great, wonderful Star!" echoed Sebastian.

"Never has the world seen such a magnificent specimen!"

"Never such a magnificent specimen!"

Franklin stood in the corner, tossing his hair and staring intensely into his hand mirror. "Ma belle pêche, as the days go on your beauty increases. I am the fairest of them all."

"Ma belle pêche?" questioned Carlos.

"Why yes, that's the name of my pet mirror here."

Chatt slammed to doors open, entering the room. "I AM THE LAST OF THE MOHICANS!"

Silence filled the room. Everyone eyed the elf.

"Or a bear…I can't figure that out."

Gareth brushed past him. "Humph, lousy dark elf bear."

"No," Genius corrected appearing out of nowhere. "Dark elf with a bear fetish. Now, I'm off to the Flower of Cities!"

Leona stood up from her place on the bench. "Okay, who hid my brother's medication this time?" She looked at the motley crew gathered in the room. "EGADS! It's a cult! I…must…preserve…my…innocence." With that she ran out of the room.

Everyone resumed their recent activities. That was until Felix walked in topless. Then everyone stopped instantaneously to gawk at him.

"AHHH! I HATE YOU. ALL OF YOU!" He crossed his arms over his bare chest and ran away crying.

"OH MY GOLD DRAGON! It's a crocogator!" Lulu yelled. "It's going to eat my cat!"

"Awww, I must examine it," Anastasia said approaching the creature.

Daniel jumped in front of her. "Not my Isabella! She is my bride to be."

There was another awkward silence. Every one waited for Genius to pop up and explain it to them…but not even Genius would go there.

The announcement for all fighters to gather in the coliseum broke the silence and sent a sigh of relief through the whole room.

—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—

Every one gathered in the coliseum and waited for further instruction.

Lucian made his way to the podium. "I would like to welcome you all to Radiata's first annual Hero of the City Competition. Now…"

"Hey! You're dead!" yelled the fire dragon in human form – which still didn't look all that human.

"So are you!" Lucian yelled back.

Elwen stood up. "Then he can do no harm."

Everyone shrugged.

"Let's just continue," Larks spoke. "Now let me call Al to announce our first match."

Al took his place at the podium. "Yes, very well. Our first match is between Miranda and that monkey brain Jack Terrier.

"That's Jack Russell, and I'm not in the first match…um, who are you anyway?"

"Good grief. I knew you wouldn't remember me…Al…I'm the only one who calls you monkey brain you monkey brain."

Jack smiled wildly and pointed. "Oh, yeah! Right! My buddy Al! The same Al who likes to dance with Charlie in the Chick Records store on Wednesdays."

Al hung his head. Charlie just jumped up and down squealing like a school girl.

"Um, Jack…who, _exactly_ are you suppose to be?" Ridley asked.

Jack was dressed in a new outfit; complete with white shirt, baggie pants, gloves, and a blue wig.

"OMG!" screamed a bunch of fangirls as they swamped the floor. "IT'S FAYT LEINGOD!"

"Who's Fayt Leingod?"

"Oh, yeah you do look like him. Must be the hair," Ridley mused as she stepped back to avoid the fangirls.

"FAYT! FAYT! FAYT!" They rushed to Jack and proceeded to lift him over their heads in a crowd surfing manner.

"HEY, STOP PINCHING ME THERE! RIDLEY, SAVE ME!"

"Hey! Was that Albel who just ran out of here?"

The fangirls stopped instantly at Ridley's comment. They turned in unison and dropped Jack. "ALBEL! ALBEL! ALBEL!" they chanted, running out the door.

Jack stood up, holding his sore rump and looked at Ridley. "Who's Fayt and Albel?"

"Really Jack, with how many video games you play…" Ridley pulled out her portfolio and showed Jack fanart of Fayt and Albel.

Jack frowned at her. "How did they get fangirls? I'm way cuter."

"Don't worry Jack, you still have me!" squealed Charlie. Jack sweatdropped.

Al cleared his throat. "Yes, well moving on. Our first match is between Miranda and Clive. Caesar will be our referee."

Miranda, Clive and Caesar took their positions as the rest of the crew stepped back.

"Now, we want a clean fight," Caesar instructed. "That means no hits below the belt, no hits to the head and absolutely no birdseed! But first, a word from our sponsor."

Cross entered the arena carrying a lit torch and wearing a sombrero. "Today's tournament is brought to you by your local transport pig. Have you hugged a pig today?"

"Hey! You're dead," yelled the fire dragon – still in his eerie human form.

"Huh? So are you…I KILLED YOU! KILL KILL KILL…"

"And I killed you."

Cross' eyes widened at the sound of a familiar voice. He turned and came face to face with Lucian.

"Boo."

"AHHHHHH!" Cross screamed like a little girl before fainting.

"Mwhahahahahahaha" Lucian mwhahaed.

"Clean up, isle nine."

Caesar lowered his head. "We should all honor the dead. Let us pay homage to Lucian, Cross, and the weird fire dude."

"That's 'funny money man'," Jack corrected.

"Hey! I have a name."

"What about me?" asked Lord Nogueria. "You humans always forget about me."

Genius appeared and put his hand on the deceased light elf's shoulder. "You died pretty early and though it was an event that led to further confrontations…no one really got that emotionally attached to you. Your life span was in no way an emotional impact. Now, I must mysteriously disappear again." And that's exactly what he did.

Al shook his head. "You are all monkey brains!"

"AHHHH," Marietta came out of nowhere and crashed right into Al.

Caesar lifted Marietta off the floor and lifted her hand into the air. "And the winner of round one is Marietta!"

"What about Clive and Miranda?" some random person called out randomly.

"Why should we fight?" Miranda protested.

"Yup. I never done nothin' to fight about," Clive said smiling.

Johan leaned over and whispered something into Miranda's ear. Her eyes immediately lost their perky glow and she scowled at Clive. "YOU'LL PAY FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE."

She pounced on Clive and started to pummel him. "Where's Master Godwin?" She stopped and gasped. "Oh, I'm so sorry. Here, I'll heal you." She healed the very confused Clive before resuming her senseless beating on him. "Where's Master Godwin?"

"I dunno!" Clive gasped, trying to cover his face. "I didn't do it…it was the one armed man!"

Maranda stopped and stood up. She looked from side to side. "Where is he? Where's the one armed man?"

"Calm down my child," Godwin said.

Miranda bent down and put her hand on Godwin's shoulder. She smiled sweetly at him. "Many pardons, Master Godwin, but I must now go find the bad guy who has abducted you." She gave him a quick nod before rushing out of the arena.

Clive stood up, holding his head. "Does that mean I win?"

"I thought I was the winner," Marietta said with a prideful smile.

Alicia stepped forward and waved her hand frantically. "Oh, I'll be the winner!"

"No, pick me – pick me," shouted Pinky while he juggled his knives.

"Gobpakken Threads and Pointura's Seeds!" exclaimed Christoph.

Cody jumped in excitement. "I wanna sword!"

"Oh! Guinea pigs!" Dimitri laughed – quite freaky like.

"Please, will someone kick me?" pleaded Rolec.

"Has anyone seen Melissa? MELISSA!"

"Humph, Herz have no time for this."

"There's always time for a good story," Jared announced. "One time, there was this…"

"SHUT UP!" everyone yelled in unison.

Larks shook his head. "Do we even have a winner?"

"It would appear not, Sir."

"Then, perhaps we should clear everyone out and try again tomorrow."

Larks nodded. "Good idea, Kain. But how do we go about doing that?"

"Let me handle this," Giske replied. "I need everyone who owes me money to stay and pay up!" he shouted, catching everyone's attention.

With a commotion that would have someone asking 'where's the fire' everyone vanished quickly from the room.

"Good tactic," commented Larks.

"Yes, but unfortunately I never see the money."

—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo——oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—

Well, there's another one. Seems once I get started on a chapter it doesn't stop until I've used most my insanity supply – or eaten all my pixie sticks (which ever comes first). Hope this chapter didn't disappoint.

And it's 12/25/05 – so Merry Christmas all :)


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Radiata Stories. Nor do I own any of the other things I shamelessly ripped off for this chapter...well, except for where I ripped myself off but I'll have words about that with myself later. XD

Well, for better or worst – here's chappie three.

**Idiocy Is Contagious**

**Chapter Three**

**Enter the Archenemy - Mwahahaha… **

The sweet rays of early morning had found their way to the quiet and peaceful streets of Radiata. Tucked in their homes, the many many people were sleeping soundly, holding dearly to that last 5 minutes before time to wake. The birds flew gracefully in the skies and the pigs raised their heads and yawned a deadly yawn. Yes, the place was the true picture of paradise.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH," Jack ran through the streets, hands waving frantically over his head.

"Yo! Wait up dude," Alvin huffed. "Like, slow down will ya?"

Jack had no other choice but to slow down. His whole night had been spent running.

-Flashback-

_He remembered the pink bows. They haunted him viciously. Pink ribbons, pink bows and pink bonnets. Pink, pink, PINK!_

_He was only five and his older sister had a mean streak. She took her younger brother and dressed him in pink from head to toe. Thus, to this day he suffers from a severe case of pinkaphobia. _

Felix sat straight up in bed and screamed.

Wait! Wrong flashback… Sorry about that… Oh, forget the flashbacks – they're overrated. Okay, first Jack had run into Charlie.

"Hey, get it right! The name's 'The Super Powered Masked Avenger'," the Avenger corrected.

Oh, yeah… The Super Powered Masked Avenger had first run into Charlie who wanted an autograph on his…elbow. (Hey, this is a T rated fic) Needless to say that this was a horror beyond words.

It had just struck the hour 9pm on the phantom clock.

"Yeah," the Avenger stated to no one in particular. "That clock just randomly pops up in the western sky. Kind of creepy…"

Anyway, it was 9pm and The Super Powered Masked Avenger was innocently scouting the city, peeping in on anyone he could find – innocently; when he spotted the perfect location for a crime. The Olacion Order! Yes, he would snoop around there for signs of injustice.

Before long he had found his way to the confession stand and sat in the comfortable (not) chair.

"Yeah, even us super heroes need rest."

Okay, shut it Jack…err, The Super Powered Masked Avenger. I'm trying to tell a story here. Where was I…

…

…

O.o ...

…

…

PINK!

"AHHH, LEAVE ME ALONE YOU PSYCHO FANGIRL!"

Sorry Felix, force of habit. Back to the story…

The Super Powered Masked Avenger sat in the chair when there was a tap on the window beside him. He carefully slid the window open slightly.

"Who's there?"

"You gotta."

"You gotta who?"

"You gotta get out of that box you juicy hunk of hero you," Charlie giggled.

Ahh, I'm going to skip straight to the chasing part. Ja… The Super Powered Masked Avenger was fearful for his life and he ran. He ran straight out of the Olacion Order Chapel and into Vitas who was wondering the walkway.

"Well, it's the capped weirdo! You know, there might be a cat stuck in a tree somewhere you can rescue," Vitas taunted.

"Yeah, well any damsel in distress will do. You guys are on your own."

Vitas glared at him, her eyes shining red and her hair standing straight out from her head. "What did you just call me?" the voice of a demon asked.

"Whoa," Jack waved his arms frantically out at her. "Didn't mean… Aw crud!" He turned and ran, once again, for his life.

As irony and misfortune would have it, his run took him straight into the heart of the Void Community. But he didn't stop, not until a voice called his name.

"Jack!"

The Avenger stopped in mid run and turned. A girl leaned against the wall. Her dark hair was up in pigtails and her eyes were yellow.

"Who? I'm none other then The Super Powered Masked Avenger!"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Yeah… anyway, something just has to be done about Rachel."

"Is the fair Rachel in danger?"

"No, it's more like Aldo's in danger."

"What about Rachel?"

"She's the danger."

"Huh?"

"She's trying to force Aldo to learn the Achy Breaky and Cecil the Electric Slide."

The Avenger looked at her in shock. "The horror of it all! Wait, I thought you said Aldo's in danger. You didn't say anything about Cecil."

"I don't like him much."

"But you like Aldo?"

"It's the whole men in uniform syndrome."

"Men in uniform…And I don't count? I'm in uniform."

"You're dressed in your PJs with a bath towel tied around your neck and a sleeping mask with eye holes cut out on your face."

"Cool huh?"

"Not. But seriously, you need to go take care of Rachel."

"Rachel, oh right… I call on the Super Powers of the Mask!" The Avenger said in a failed attempt at a deep tone as he darted away.

"Um, yeah. I think I'll go stalk Elwen now." Lily announced.

The Avenger ran through the streets and straight to the Red Lotus Metropolis Party Room. Sure enough, there was Aldo and Cecil dancing in a horrid fashion. Rachel stood over both men, a bull whip in hand.

"DANCE FOOLS! Dance like there's no tomorrow! If you don't get it right I shall force you to do the Macarena!"

"So!" exclaimed the Avenger, putting his hands on his hips and standing very super heroish. "If it isn't my archenemy Freaky Dance Step Girl!"

Rachel laughed hysterically. "You'll never stop me The Powered Super Avenger Mask!"

"That's The Super Powered Masked Avenger. Why can't anyone get it right?"

"Long names lead to easy blunders," announced Genus.

"Oh, I need another person for the Congo Line." Rachel smiled evilly. Believe it or not, the girl is evil I tell you…evil.

"Eek!" exclaimed Genus, disappearing.

The Super Powered Masked Avenger looked around the room, searching for one way to stop his formable foe. Then it hit him, an idea so brilliant…so cunning, no one would have expected him to think of. He darted across the room and snatched up every record in sight.

"Nenner nenner nenner," he sang, running out the door.

"Theif!" Rachel shouted, taking chase.

The Super Powered Masked Avenger had just rounded the first corner when he all but ran into Charlie and Vitas.

Now our…err hero had a mob of three angry people chasing him. Well, Charlie wasn't exactly mad, but Rachel and Vitas were.

The Avenger had a head start as he led the group through the streets. Vitas stopped momentarily when she noticed Franklin tossing his hair on the street corner. "Come on, Franklin. We're running mad herdish like after the capped weirdo."

"Nope, aint goin' ta. I would get all sweaty and my hair would mat down to my skin. Very not good."

"He's got your shampoo," Vitas taunted.

"HOLD ON BABY BUBBLES! DADDY'S COMING TO GET YOU!"

From this point the crowd in pursuit grew and grew as other's called out to them.

"He called you a good boy, Elmo!"

"He swears your sister is prettier then you, Elena!"

"Hey Dennis, he wants to know what kind of fertilizer you use to make your weeds grow so fast!"

"You might just be a redneck if your name's…Clive!"

"Hey Gil, he said yo mamma was a human!"

The insults went on and on until the whole city was after him.

"Wait a minute…if the whole city was after me, then why's Alvin the only one left?"

Well, the phantom clock struck midnight. Sorta like Cinderella. The loop starts over at 12am.

"Um, okay…so why didn't Alvin disappear?"

Alvin chuckled. "I play the part of The Stalker Fan Side Kick Wanna Be."

The Avenger hung his head in shame. "Is this the end of this chapter? I think this is the worst one yet."

Maybe…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

PINK!

"That's it. I quit!"

Sorry, that just doesn't get old to me…you really aught to see Felix's face. Anyway…

"Hey, Jack…um Avenger sir?"

"Yes, Side Kick Dude."

"Are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

"I think so, but I don't know if you can add strawberries to spaghetti."

"Not that…didn't you say something about getting Felix a girlfriend."

The Avenger's eyes lit up. "Why yes, yes I did."

"I think we can do better then that." Alvin whispered something into Jack's ear. Jack's eyes lit up and he balled his fist in his usual 'victory' pose.

"Good thinking Stalker Kick to the Side Dude. I'll inform Kain at once."

The Avenger skipped away. Alvin set out to scout the streets for potential victims.

Then the circus came to town and pigmy vampire elephants trotted through the streets with cabbages on their backs while whistling the theme song to Star Wars…but that's not the point.

—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo——oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—oo—

This whole thing just comes to me randomly. So thanks for bearing with my strange humor. I just love Felix! I try not to be hard on him, but it's so irresistible.

And that last line is a rip off. Yes, I ripped off dark-pheonix1 by using a line from the fic The Stupid, Short Fanfic in the Star Ocean section and then I ripped myself off with the whole pigmy vampire elephants from my fic Star Crossed Enemies, also in the Star Ocean section.

And I like Rachel...honestly. She was just in the wrong fic at the wrong time.

Anyway, I hope someone finds this amusing (at least). Humor fics are a real challenge for me.


End file.
